tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post3399943785683400781..comments2022-01-01T13:02:20.028-08:00Comments on "Created to Be His Help Meet" discussion: ConclusionHelpedMeethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02743632070070708780noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-63303975068967977072014-01-22T09:53:15.103-08:002014-01-22T09:53:15.103-08:00Your last paragraph almost had me in tears it was ...Your last paragraph almost had me in tears it was so powerful and Godly thank you so much!!<br />~Jilly oxo <br />Jillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03100299875945945867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-25238616576317043162013-04-13T08:19:14.382-07:002013-04-13T08:19:14.382-07:00I haven't read the book in question (and I don...I haven't read the book in question (and I don't plan to buy it, either), but I often read things similar to this blog and they all suffer from the same problem. <br /><br />I’ve heard Christians trying to defend the Bible against accusations that it is a patriarchal book — without any real success. Feminists have done a good job of exposing just how patriarchal the Bible is. It’s not just a case of “different roles”. Just look at the bare facts.<br /><br />God always speaks as a male (each person of the Trinity is referred to as “He”), creates a male first, makes a female merely as a companion/help for the male (and curses her for her disobedience with the dreaded “he shall rule over you”), chooses males for pretty much everything apart from when necessity demands a woman (e.g. Deborah, Esther, Mary), incarnates, lives & resurrects as a male, picks twelve males to carry on the work, and has everything written down by males — and when the second person is used in teaching, it is almost always males who are addressed. (Females are almost always spoken of in the third person.) <br /><br />The whole tenor of the Bible reeks powerfully of male dominance. Women are at best bit-part players (even in the two books named after women, both women are submissive and under the authority of men — their lives would be anathema to modern, educated Western women). And there are some glaring instances of just how inegalitarian the Bible is. God turns a blind eye to polygyny, for example, but polyandry would be classed as adultery and punished by death under (divinely-given) Israelite law!<br /><br />Christians will cling to verses like Galatians 3:28, overlooking the vast bulk of other inegalitarian statements and admonitions that Paul makes about women. God in the Bible clearly approves of patriarchy. God is — according to you — omnipotent. He surely could thus have established an egalitarian civil society in Israel in which male and female equality was laid down firmly. His law, however, treats women effectively as the possessions of men. The attempts of Christians to make the Bible compatible with the culture of today really are laughable. Feminists have demonstrated that the Bible does not teach complementarianism (let alone egalitarianism), but an unrepentant patriarchy.<br /><br />At least those curious folk who follow patriarchy (e.g. the Pearl couple) are consistent. The rest of you implicitly acknowledge that you cannot reconcile Biblical teaching with the inevitable victory of feminism, and therefore attempt to re-imagine the Bible. You’re feminists at heart (as the comments here reveal, if only you could see it): stop being bashful about it and come out of the closet — honesty is meant to be a Christian virtue, after all... Faithnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-47346739817213828512012-09-29T10:19:24.794-07:002012-09-29T10:19:24.794-07:00Outstanding!!! You put into words all the things m...Outstanding!!! You put into words all the things my heart was trying to tell me as I started to read it and started to "lose" myself. It was my husband who said he didn't want a wife like that he wanted the fiesty ornery woman he married. I love my guy!!<br /><br />And thank you for the beautiful paragraph at the end. May God's glory be known and His peace reign in your heart.Homemaker's Hearthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05689263302727625776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-17981871732854329502012-05-18T17:44:56.613-07:002012-05-18T17:44:56.613-07:00Thank you so much for writing this blog. A good fa...Thank you so much for writing this blog. A good family friend of my Fiance', I am getting married next week, called me out of the blue today to talk. In this conversations she told me that she had bought this book for me and the guy version for my soon-to-be husband. She had previously given a book to my fiance' that I had a read a few chapters of and some red flags were raised. So, hearing she was giving yet another book, I googled the book and came across your blog. I will not be reading this book as a fresh Christian newly-wed. It would only harm myself and my marriage and I was so thankful when my fiance', hearing about all these points, said he won't even let that happen. Thank you, again, for taking the time and effort to create this blog.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-54453702824672244742012-05-17T22:16:00.376-07:002012-05-17T22:16:00.376-07:00Thank you for writing this.
I read this book in th...Thank you for writing this.<br />I read this book in the 2nd year of my marriage. I agreed with most of it at first. Then as I lived life, the sentiments and ideas she proposed soured and showed their true colors in face of true scripture. <br />But in no way could I express it in such a clear and concise a manner as you have. Thank you!Cyndel https://www.blogger.com/profile/15188660485232154378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-76324448660567663172011-12-02T18:58:42.418-08:002011-12-02T18:58:42.418-08:00I AM SO GRATEFUL that I found this blog post. SO ...I AM SO GRATEFUL that I found this blog post. SO grateful. Someone gave me this book because she thought it would "help me." My husband and I went through the book together and were really upset by what we read. I have been struggling with this book and all of what you said helped me put into words exactly what I was feeling. THANK YOU.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-77944736014430205942011-09-14T07:28:18.092-07:002011-09-14T07:28:18.092-07:00Awesome! Thanks for articulating what I knew was n...Awesome! Thanks for articulating what I knew was not from the Lord. You were so respectful and gentle except for the part about glorying in silence. I noticed your anger and sarcasm :) maybe I'm wrong :) I just didn't remember her being that cookoo. Anyway, good job! I believe that you confirmed the check in my spirit I had about this book. I don't think the church should shy away from these issues but address them in meekness and in truth like you just did. Glory to God!Riahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01113500158172513811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-19296325189506872972011-08-18T19:08:26.015-07:002011-08-18T19:08:26.015-07:00Thank you for this thorough and biblical review of...Thank you for this thorough and biblical review of a book that I struggled with from the moment I opened it. I have some friends that want to do a study on being a biblical wife. I'm wondering if there's a printable format of your review that is easier to print so that I can take it to friends and address the concerns I have. They don't have access to the internet so I cannot send them to this blog. Thank you so much for standing for truth!Trishnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-2120053424033498332011-08-03T11:16:56.596-07:002011-08-03T11:16:56.596-07:00Excellent critique on a very confusing book. Your ...Excellent critique on a very confusing book. Your patience with the Pearls' poor reasoning and communication skills is admirable. I believe that a married couple will take from this book what they bring to it. I have a sister who loves this book, and she has a wonderful, solid marriage. And I have a sister-in-law who also claims to love this book, yet her marriage is one of the most miserable that I've ever seen. Same book, different couples, vastly different husband-wife relationships. "Created to Be His Help Meet" has, I believe, little power to profoundly change a marriage for better or for worse. What it does have, however, is the ability to reinforce and magnify preexisting attitudes and behaviors--whether good or evil. Thus, a solid, healthy marriage could benefit from this book, while a dysfunctional marriage would likely suffer further deterioration from it.Jake Breakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15026943135935485208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-89060653522121787162011-07-29T21:32:46.672-07:002011-07-29T21:32:46.672-07:00I became interested in this book after seeing it h...I became interested in this book after seeing it highly recommended in a blog. <br /><br />The blog is written by the wife of a Christian man who sexually attacked both me and his own sister. <br /><br />Your review stands solidly on its own and was extremely helpful, but your concerns are further validated by the sobering fact that the wife of a sociopathic rapist gushes praises for this book.<br /><br />Especially since his future daughters are his only remaining victim pool of unsuspecting, vulnerable girls who adore and trust him, and who can be easily groomed for spiritual and physical abuse inside his own home. CTBHHM is like a blueprint for delivery of that nightmare.<br /><br />Thank you for your hard work. It has enlightened me considerably.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-33790934406739858542011-07-09T15:09:36.419-07:002011-07-09T15:09:36.419-07:00I think the major problem with the Pearl's wri...I think the major problem with the Pearl's writing is that they think *we* are in control of every aspect of our lives. According to Pearls, wives can control the outcome of their marriage and we can just choose to *stop* sinning anytime we please. There is NO mention of grace or forgiveness in ANY of Michael or Debi's writings. I unsubscribed to their magazine for this exact reason. Women can't control everything as much the Pearl's give us credit for.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-1868630604008106512011-06-22T11:11:10.371-07:002011-06-22T11:11:10.371-07:00Thank you for this!! I was looking up the title fo...Thank you for this!! I was looking up the title for a friend, because the women in our church were encouraged to read it prior to a discussion we will be having in anticipation for a Marriage Retreat in a few months, and I came across this blog. I am shocked! A very well-respected couple, loooong-time Christians and marriage partners, recommended this book! Granted, I have not yet purchased and read the book, but some of your examples seem that they would be glaringly obvious, even to younger Christians, as not quite biblically based, to say the least! To suggest that men are carnal, as an excuse for many things, has always irked me, but to discount one's personal walk with God as missing something without a spouse?!? All I can say is that I am bookmarking this page, and likely printing it out to keep with the book, if I even buy it!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-6135612055180097312011-05-23T00:06:18.782-07:002011-05-23T00:06:18.782-07:00Thank you! I just finished this book and found it ...Thank you! I just finished this book and found it very disturbing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-26116770839923495202011-03-29T07:13:00.100-07:002011-03-29T07:13:00.100-07:00Thank you....my sister gave me this book and while...Thank you....my sister gave me this book and while I do believe there is something to be said about submitting to your husband to a certain extent...I felt like I was worthless after reading this book and I don't believe that was God's intent.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-89142831249581326592011-02-26T09:36:00.094-08:002011-02-26T09:36:00.094-08:00You bring up some good arguments against some of t...You bring up some good arguments against some of the points that Debi made. I also agree with you that she makes a lot of good points that I too agree with and then uses poor examples to explain her points. I don't think Debi is taking scripture out of context on everything, but what human doesn't take something from scripture out of context. Any material you read from any author is imperfect and can screw up what the bible says. No I don't agree with her on everything but I do think she is on the right track as far as what being a help meet looks like in the bible. Wives should let their husbands be the head over them, we should be thankful and joyful wives, have lots of sex, etc. Not everyone will read this book and see it in the same way you see it. She does tend to be extreme in her beliefs about abuse, and being silently submissive. I don't think that is what God was telling us from those verses. Anyway, I am still going to finish reading the book and in the end the word of God will be the foundation upon which I live my life. I like books that challenge my beliefs and think they can be a great tool to strengthen our faith and help us grow vs. just reading things that we agree with all the time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-14169867690466122612010-10-23T20:25:07.997-07:002010-10-23T20:25:07.997-07:00You have done a great service by taking the time t...You have done a great service by taking the time to write this very thorough review. Thank you!<br /><br />I recently read their other book, To Train Up a Child, and found it to be the same kind of thing: some nuggets of wisdom mixed in with some nonsense and also quite a bit of alarming stuff. I was really shocked, as it had been recommended highly by someone I respect. Come to find out, she hadn't followed ALL of the things the book said; I guess she trusted me to sort out the wheat from the chaff. But I think the "chaff" in that book is so dangerous that I would not want to trust that any given reader would be able to sort it out.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-40627452072657513782010-10-23T20:24:20.967-07:002010-10-23T20:24:20.967-07:00You have done a great service by taking the time t...You have done a great service by taking the time to write this very thorough review. Thank you!<br /><br />I recently read their other book, To Train Up a Child, and found it to be the same kind of thing: some nuggets of wisdom mixed in with some nonsense and also quite a bit of alarming stuff. I was really shocked, as it had been recommended highly by someone I respect. Come to find out, she hadn't followed ALL of the things the book said; I guess she trusted me to sort out the wheat from the chaff. But I think the "chaff" in that book is so dangerous that I would not want to trust that any given reader would be able to sort it out.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-6957671744870627482010-07-10T21:07:39.768-07:002010-07-10T21:07:39.768-07:00Tremendous review!! The bible says to "test ...Tremendous review!! The bible says to "test the spirits" and you both did that very well.<br /><br />My wife started reading this book and red flags soon went up. There are some good points and some points that severely need biblical testing.<br /><br />Thank you again for your time and efforts.Mike G.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-12789241007784861462010-02-24T19:53:29.280-08:002010-02-24T19:53:29.280-08:00Thank you so much for this blog. I was given '...Thank you so much for this blog. I was given 'Created...' several months ago by a friend who leads a Bible study for hundreds of women. Immediately, even before reading it, I felt burdened, like I had yet another pile of demands laid upon me for my failing marriage. I remember wishing someone was giving my husband a book--not me! Before she gave me the book, however, she was telling me of a Bible lesson she was preparing, in which she was teaching the women in her study that it was Dinah's fault (in the book of Genesis) that she was raped and left for dead because she left the covering of her father's leadership. I was so confused as to what in the world she was talking about, but realized after reading your blog that her lesson was greatly influenced by the teachings of this book.<br />It is such a relief to hear your balanced critique before I was swallowed up by another pound of guilt and responsibility for my husband's own sin nature! Thank you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-26167235825787093172009-08-28T11:24:04.979-07:002009-08-28T11:24:04.979-07:00A comment for stayathomemyheart:
True submission ...A comment for stayathomemyheart:<br /><br />True submission needs to be "out of the heart"! <br /><br />I submitted for years . . . and I mean YEARS! . . . out of "duty". There is TRULY SUCH A DIFFERENCE! One is REAL. The other is birthed out of hypocrisy. <br /><br />Every woman and every man are unique in the Lord. In the long run, our concern as wives should be that our own husbands are pleased with us. Some of us are loud and noisy. Some are blunt and forward. Some of us are fat and ugly, but as long as our husbands are pleased with our "form of submission" - we should be content. It is their call (our husband's) - and their love that we seek after - not the formulas nor opinion of others.<br /><br />This is the kind of relationship that Jesus wants us to have with him also. A love based relationship and not a fear based relationship.<br /><br />Blessings.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-23555583668128107302009-07-21T10:34:08.947-07:002009-07-21T10:34:08.947-07:00I am doing a home study on this topic and was comf...I am doing a home study on this topic and was comforted to find your blog. I wanted to do a study with this book because I truely believe there are definate nuggets. I am glad that I am not alone in my confusion of her scripture taken out of context. The study I am doing at my house is going really well, however the focus is not on her book, but on Gods words to us. I do feel Debi Pearl has the right motives, maybe just too harsh of an execution. I found myself put off by her anger and extreme situations that she used as examples. "Above all these things is love" and at times I feel her words were the opposite of loving. We must, as children waling in truth, know that the only absolute is Gods word and it is a filter for all things in our lives. This book should be read by all christian wives however, with anything given to us, we must sift it through Gods word and allow Him to give us the truths. I do appreciate Debi Pearl for getting such an important topic out and putting it in the face of christian wives.Cameronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08086300902441626981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-13500716816321963792009-07-13T12:58:48.640-07:002009-07-13T12:58:48.640-07:00Wow! I'm so glad I found your blog. I was read...Wow! I'm so glad I found your blog. I was reading Spunky's review when I came across your entry. A friend loaned me the book due to ongoing problems in my marriage. The first three chapters didn't raise any flags. At this point, I thought wonderful! Something I can apply and remedy some problems. I had even ordered myself a copy. I continued reading and began to feel really icky. I thought of course that it was just me being convicted but by the 20th chapter I wanted to put it down and not read anymore. I'm so glad to find out it wasn't just me. I cancelled my order for the book and ordered Elizabeth George's book<br />"A Woman After God's Own Heart", purportedly to be better. We'll see. Thanks, Kathy R.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-62678711267350258622009-07-03T13:31:49.369-07:002009-07-03T13:31:49.369-07:00I am very thankful for reading this review. I just...I am very thankful for reading this review. I just got home from the first day of a women's study using this book.<br /><br />I am a mature Christian, and have full confidence that I can filter the wheat from the chaff. This book is not Scripture, is not infallible, but I also believe that God can choose to use broken vessels.<br /><br />I appreciate your respectful, detailed critiques, and I am glad I read this before digging in. I will be on alert, and will be double-checking everything.<br /><br />Thank you.Faerylandmomhttp://www.thefaeryinn.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-55324011958964318032009-06-20T20:08:37.090-07:002009-06-20T20:08:37.090-07:00I must say thank you for your review. It definitel...I must say thank you for your review. It definitely brought up some valid points. I read this book at a very low point and I feel that I really did get out of it what God wanted me to get: loving and being submissive to my husband cannot depend on his attitude toward me. Example: I'm not going to cook him dinner because he didn't put the clothes away. I was practicing some serious bitterness toward him. The statement that hit me the most went something like this: You practice bitterness, he practices apathy, you are both practicing divorce (paraphrase). It shocked me to the core, having been divorced previously. It was the wake up call that I needed. That being said, I found that overall Debi felt that we should all lead a semi-amish type of life and that if we can't grow our own veggies, we're in trouble! I guess I'm getting divorced, cause I have one serious black thumb!!! Let me also state that I am married to a non-believer and that I have yet to find any book on this subject that would help me with some of the struggles I encounter.Lianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182754721491331897.post-56784720494606415312009-05-13T07:05:00.000-07:002009-05-13T07:05:00.000-07:00My daughters gave me CTBHHM as a gift .They hadn't...My daughters gave me CTBHHM as a gift .They hadn't read it but as soon as I did I told them what I thought .And I never read it again.<br />My marriage improved vastly when I told my abusive husband -you can't treat me like this ,what you are saying about me is not true etc.<br />The Pearls' take on woman and abuse is abusive.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com